WHOA! fuck off ex!

I have this ex like he is so immature. and we’ve broken up 8 months ago.

but… the problem is, I kept on contacting him seldomly. and I don’t want him to think that I am still into him.. well, I’ve mistaken once, I got drunk and humiliated myself and told him that I still love him. but yesterday, I made it clear to him that it was just because of alcohol. and so„ he understands thank God! but afterwards, I called him again, forcing him to go with us (‘cause we had a drink with my friends) and probably, he might be thinking that I was lying. and fucking nooo way! uuugh!! oh gosh! oh gosh! oh gosh! I wanna die! no. I want him out of my life. GOOSH!

Forever Single.

yup. it’s been 8 months now and still haven’t found anyone yet and it’s getting lonely already.

wow. come to think of it. I was hot-ish before. like my self-esteem is, well, averagely high. but now, im unnoticeable. lol. and im getting fat and that’s not good. ugh!

I need a boyfriend right now! gosh!


as of 2014, it’s my 20th year of existence in this universe and I should have already learned how to be independent. How to live on my own. How to decide on my own. However, within this 2 decades, it wasn’t easy and still is. We’re all aware that we all have mothers, right? and that’s an inevitable thing. well, let me tell you a little bit of history. when I was still in high school, I used to cut myself due to depression but what my friends understood about it is that, I cut because of my boyfriend and nothing more. but honest to goodness, the only reason why i was doing it was because i was depressed. and fortunately, i was encouraged to stop it when they told me that the scars would look disgusting when im older. so then i stopped. and it kind of, well in some way, gives me the fear that my parents would scold me again. then when i was in my freshmen yr in college, i met a guy. i was serious at this time. well, i admit, he is not an exception from the reasons why i got turned off from school. but mainly, because of the nagging of my mother. i don’t know about her, but what I’ve seen and what i have observed until now is that she kept on shouting at me, telling me what to do, and nagging non-stop. it’s something like, it became her obsession. i know myself better and it’s now more dangerous. She’s strangling me (figuratively speaking), and i can lose my patience anytime and it feels like im gonna stab her like literally stab her with a knife. i know this isn’t good. but it is what i am feeling right now. and feeling is much more dangerous than the mind ‘cause i believe that the mind can be easily convinced with the feeling. i would have punched her or do something violent at her and i know it’s not good. i kept playing scenarios in my head like im telling her to stop because if she wont then i might lay my hands on her. and what it scared me most is that, the convincing part is too strong and the discouraging is too weak. and it made me think that it could be possible that i might do violence at her if i cant stop myself. OH GOD! WHY CANT SHE UNDERSTAND? it’s frustrating because im not an adult anymore and she kept on telling me like a kid. why wont she take me seriously? if i would tell my father about this, he would definitely laugh at it and think that it is impossible and i was just overthinking . but i know this time and it’s far more dangerous than what i was thinking. for 20 years, she kept on treating me like a child. who would not feel strangled with that situation? i need help to help her. i tried so hard to help myself to calm myself so that the thing wont happen to us. i love her but its choking me. and i cant breathe even just a little.


sketch-a-quote for missashleynico 
it would be my honor to post my first post in my blog about Mr. Robin Williams.
I don’t know him personally nor i am a fan club president but I’ve seen him in his movies which gives me an idea of what kind of person he is. I didn’t read news about him nor his interviews but he gives me an impression that he is kind, honest, descent, and professional and most especially, he is hardworking because well, we all witnessed his talent in acting which is incredibly amazing, despite of his hardships, he is still able to produce a good movie that always touches the hearts of the people. I am amazed how amazing he is being a man, a father, a son, and a friend. He was too busy to make us happy and we are too busy to be happy and we didn’t noticed the sadness he felt. It saddens every single people who heard about the news but no one ever judged him and still paid him a great respect.
we will miss you sir. your movies, your talent, and we can’t thank you enough for making us happy. we love you.